The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
