I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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