got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The beer is more important than you right now.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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