you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
