Who wears a wallet chain?!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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