I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
