Already got asked if we're dating
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
