she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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