Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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