I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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