I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
