Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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