Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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