I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she peed on how many people?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
