tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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