no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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