You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
