You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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