last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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