i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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