He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
