So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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