Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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