I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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