I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
