I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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