apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
