Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
