So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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