You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
