I'm jealous of your bromance
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
