dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
