so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
