so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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