it wasn't lemon gatorade
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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