is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
