Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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