How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
