one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
