I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
