Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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