***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
