Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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