420 ftw
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
