We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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