I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
