he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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