I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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