For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
