I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize