I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
