you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
