You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
