Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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