u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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