Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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