Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
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