She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
