you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
